It used to be that young men would call a family’s residence phone if he wanted to ask a girl on a date. Fast forward to today and teens are texting, emailing, and sometimes dating in a virtual world before they ever step foot in a movie theatre together. Technology has completely shaken up the rules for teenage dating, and parents are often left scrambling to catch up with the changes technology brings.

Technology = Parents Caught Unaware

Perhaps one of the biggest changes you might face as a parent when your teens begin dating is that you are more removed from the equation than parents of the past. By the time teens are old enough to date, most have their own phones, meaning you aren’t necessarily there to screen calls or texts, and even just be aware that the kid from math class is calling. Teens are also social media-savvy and they often lead their own private digital lives, including meeting people they might not otherwise meet, without the knowledge or guidance of a parent. How can you help keep up with your child’s technology?

Establish rules. Just like parents of the past had rules for dating, new generations need new rules.

• If your child has social media site profiles, have access to those profiles and passwords.
• Establish ground rules for cell phones during the day (it used to be the 9-to-9 rule: no calling a home between 9:00 p.m. and 9:00 a.m.).
• Know who is in your child’s little black address book (cell phone and email contact lists).

Technology = Teens and Access to Information

Your teen lives in a digital world where clicks online or flips of the remote bring intimate scenes to life. Teens are thrust earlier and earlier into dating. They watch shows about pregnant teens, movies about friends with benefits, and online sites that encourage teen dating. Your teen might feel an increased pressure to date, date earlier than both parents feel is appropriate, and move from dating to adult relationships sooner than later.

• Keep providing opportunities for age-appropriate activities – if your 13-year-old still likes hanging out in the tree fort, encourage that.
• Watch shows with your kids and talk about the programming.
• Learn the lingo so you know what kids are talking about online.

Technology = Intimate Relationships with the World

Teens today have unprecedented access to people around the world, yet they are still teens who haven’t lived long enough to fully understand all of the dangers of living on such a global scale. Gone are the days when dating means you meet someone in gym class and go for burgers. Now your teens meet people of all ages and form intimate conversational relationships before ever meeting face-to-face.

• Establish dating rules. You’re still the parent and you can establish age rules for dating, including age expectations.
• Be aware of sites like Our Teen Network – an online social and dating listing for teens, where pedophiles can prevail.
• Explain online reputation management. This is the idea that your teen should never post any picture, words, or videos online that he or she wouldn’t want Grandma to see.
• Communicate with your teens about privacy, and that the sexy picture their friend might take for a boyfriend might be seen by everyone in the school – if not more.
• Monitor your teen’s Internet usage. There are sites that predators troll for young teens who are taking their first steps in dating relationships.

Technology does change the rules for teenage dating, but it doesn’t mean you as the parent have to forget about the rules you find valuable. Make sure your rules apply to your child’s real life, and that they help make sure that those first dating steps are in the right direction.

my other favorite sign in the Cody library by Laura Crossett Attribution License

AUTHOR OVERVIEW

Lisa Shaw Senior Director, Child Online Safety and Protection at SpectorSoft

What do five kids ranging in age from kindergarten to high school, a Harvard MBA and years of protecting kids online get you? It gets you Lisa Shaw, COO of her very busy household, and a Senior Director at SpectorSoft, the number one leader in monitoring and protecting your kids online. She's an expert on the technology and trends that you need to arm yourself with to be the best parent you can be in today’s digital world.

Tags: dating, parenting and dating, sexting and dating