By Britt, 16 years, Michigan.

I’ve been called “sick,” I’ve been called “messed up.” I have been professionally diagnosed as depressed. My peers refer to me as a “cutter,” meaning I cut myself. The problem started when I was just fifteen years old when my life took a turn for the worst. Now, nearly seventeen, I am still struggling to manage my problem. Cutting was a release. It was a way to make the outside match the inside. Cutting brought the focus of the suffering to the surface. This pain could be controlled. That’s what cutting was always about. Whenever I have talked to someone who has ever cut, it’s the same response: “It was the only pain I had control over, I needed a release.” Me, I was just tired of being strong, among other things. My cuts were a disruption of the flawless happiness everyone saw when they looked at me. It was a way to keep in touch with reality. Pain has a way of consuming a person, making them a shell of the being they once were. Cutting was a way to say “Hello, I’m still here,” even when I didn’t feel alive. It was a way to stop myself from going completely numb.

There was always this desperation to have some sort of power over how it felt to live life. Other people were causing this emotional pain that ate me away on the inside. The physical pain, though, was in my hands alone. It could be caused or stopped whenever I chose. I was grasping onto the only bit of control I felt I could have over my life, the only way I knew how. The scary part was that there was always the chance I could go too far. The cuts got deeper, the blade went farther, and the scars multiplied. My arms and legs were covered in cuts. I was afraid to tell my parents, in fear they would be angry and punish me.

The closeness of the family never seems to matter in the cases of self-mutilation, because we were close. That is the most important thing; I cannot stress enough how important it is for “cutters” to know there is someone they can confide it, especially their parents. No matter how irrational cutting may seem, it is extremely important for one to know they have someone they can unload their suffering on, without the fear of being condemned.

Parents Need To Be Aware…

In cases of self-mutilation, an outsider coming into the situation is a very delicate thing. In my case, it was something I had to completely do on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I personally have the most loving family ever — but every family has its flaws. I felt like I was completely alone, though my family was sitting in the next room watching TV. First off, anger is the WORST possible way to go about handling this problem. My dad is my absolute best friend in the entire world, and when he found out that I had a problem, he told me if it happened again, he would “beat me.” I knew this was of course an empty threat, but it also showed me how angry he was towards cutting. My mom looked disgusted. I didn’t feel like I could ever go to them about it. They still, to this day, do not know how long my problem really lasted. When it came down to it, I was the one who had to stop it. Moving forward was up to ME.

What To Look For and How To Help

There are not exact signs to look for; it all depends on the person. Someone who is really cutting simply because they want to hurt themselves will hide it. I always wore bracelets and pants long enough to cover the marks. I spent as little time with my family as possible, and locked my door when I was in my room. One thing that really made me want to stop was seeing people’s reaction to it. Whenever someone found out I was cutting, they looked like they were going to be ill. There was a deep connection whenever someone was hurt, not angry. Seeing someone upset by the thought of me being hurt had a huge impact on me, and will anyone else.

I went to a camp the summer of 2011, around the time when my problem was the worst. On the last night of the week we are there, we go to the chapel in the woods, and anyone that wants to, has the opportunity to tell their story and anything else they may not be able to get out anywhere else. I told mine, in front of everyone. When I was done, the entire camp stood up in a line, and each person hugged me, in tears. To see that I meant so much in other people’s lives touched something in me. I saw my counselor, who I had never seen cry, sitting in tears in one of the pews. Another camper I had become close with took me outside, hugged me, and kissed my wrist where my cuts had been. No one judged me, but instead I saw how it impacted others to see me feel that low.

That will have a huge impact on anyone who cuts. Make sure they know how much they mean to you, and that it hurts, not angers, to see them hurting themselves. Show concern, not frustration. I cannot stress enough how important that is, because the truth is, if you express anger, it’s going to upset them more, and they will find a way to do it secretly. Threatening will make the problem worse. The key is not to try to stop them; it is to make them WANT to stop. Truth be told, you can not make them stop if they do not want to; but making them feel enough to trigger something inside of them that makes them say “I don’t want to hurt myself anymore” will be the biggest step in the right direction imaginable. It’s not about making a cutter stop; it’s about making them feel again. It’s about giving them the tools to break the habit, and giving them hope that things will get better — a reason to move forward.

Cutting is not a phase or a fad; it is a serious problem. No one can understand the pain one is in, or what is going through their mind, without being at such an all-time low and feeling it themselves.

broken-heart-razor-blade by Attribution License

AUTHOR OVERVIEW

Teen Writers

Tags: cutting, daughter, parenting advice, teenage girl