Thunderstruck. That might be the description of how parents feel when they first fully appreciate the inappropriate online commentary trail left for their child.

“Why would somebody say these things about my child?  About anyone’s child?”

It is more than the graphic and disturbing nature of the commentary that might land parents in a lawyer’s office.  It can also be due to the understandable inability of parents to coordinate a proper and effective response to the cyberbullying of their child.

I say “understandable” because it is not uncommon for parents to reach out to a variety of people to attempt to stop the problem, with no satisfactory effect.

So I know by the time a parent walks into any lawyer’s office, earlier opportunities to address the issues might have either failed or for a variety of reasons were not fully explored.  I also know that, faced with what parents see as a piercing attack on their child, parents can themselves respond impulsively or inappropriately, with the unfortunate side effect of potentially escalating the tensions for their own child.

I believe that litigation generally is not the answer to most cyberbullying incidents.  The better approach is for a lawyer to wear the counselor hat in a problem-solving role.  The good news for parents is that these issues are not just solvable, but teachable.  It takes courage on everyone’s part, parents and children alike, and a response that is focused and, as difficult as it will be, calm.

Focused.  Calm.  These are two tools in a parent’s toolbox that lawyers like parents to use after, during, and before a cyberbullying episode.  A good approach is for a parent to be aware of all of these time periods, with a big emphasis on the before.  A lawyer wants to see what groundwork has been laid for the child inside the home before a cyberbullying incident has occurred.

Using this approach, a lawyer likes to understand the “social media rules” of the household.  A lawyer likes to see how a parent has conveyed to her child the importance of “netiquette” consistently, backed by natural and reasonable consequences for failure to comply with the house social media rules.

A lawyer likes to hear that a parent has conveyed to his child that this is not an Internet highway, because highways end.  Instead, the parent has helped and encouraged the child to develop what some experts call “digital consciousness,” where he or she thinks before posting for all to see, everywhere.

A lawyer likes to confirm that the child was thinking about the footprints he or she has left behind, not just for peers, but also for the college admissions officer or the human resource manager.

A lawyer likes to confirm the child was really thinking about the potential impact of his or her words and actions on the person who was on the other side of the phone or screen because the parent had expressed views to the child in this regard.

A lawyer likes to see a child who approaches parents when he or she is the target of cyberbullying, not just because the child has bought into the house social media rules, but because the child and the parents have communicated well together, and the parents have communciated they will be there to support the child should an online problem arise.

In short, a lawyer likes to see productive and constructive involvement a parent has with a child and a child’s social media experience.

You might ask:  Why would a parent like that need to consult a lawyer?  My hope, candidly, is that it would not be necessary.  But sometimes, despite a family’s reasonable and proactive approach, a problem occurs that might rise to this level.  And where the parent and the child have not escalated or aggravated the situation, but have been consistently focused and calm, it will be easier to resolve the issues for all parties involved.

Next up:  Fighting cyberbullying fire with litigation fire:  Is this really the legal route to take?

AUTHOR OVERVIEW

Andrew Agatston Attorney and Legal Expert

Andrew Agatston is an attorney in private practice in metro Atlanta, Georgia. His legal practice is diverse, and includes representing those harmed by the intentionally wrongful conduct of others, including cyberbullying. Mr. Agatston is a frequent national speaker on legal matters involving children and children's rights. Visit him online at http://www.agatstonlaw.com/.

Tags: attorney, cyberbulling, legal advice